COVID-19 SELF ISOLATION
A couple slipped into the movies just after all of the advertising and future promotions, just as the main feature was about to begin.
They were annoyed to find that a couple of rows in front of them there was someone moaning and groaning.
They called an usher to complain.
The usher went up to the fellow and tried talking to him.
The moaning and groaning became louder however there was no other reply.
"Do you need help? Would you like to me call a doctor?" The usher asked.
The groaning and moaning became even louder and the usher said, "Where are you from?"
"The balcony", came the agonised reply.
A chap went to see a psychiatrist.
"I have a real problem, Doc", he said. "When I go to bed at night I can't sleep because I have this feeling that there's somebody under the bed. So I get out of bed to check and there's nobody there. However, while I am peering under the bed, I have this strange feeling that someone's on the top of the bed. That goes on all night. On the bed. Underneath, On the bed. I think that I am having a breakdown it is causing me to be so worried."
"Well", the doctor replied, "phobias like this are not totally unusual. I believe that with a number of sessions I can cure you. See my receptionist on the way out and book for the next two months".
The fellow went out saw the receptionist and paid the bill which was for $200.
The bloke never returned to the psychiatrist.
However a year later the doctor saw him in the street.
"What didn't you come back?" he inquired.
"At $200 a pop!" came the reply. "Not when the carpenter next door cured me for $5."
The doctor asked, "How did he do that?"
"He told me to saw the legs off my bed!"
A pompous bureaucrat from the Queensland Department of Agriculture was addressing a meeting of farmers just out of Longreach on the subject of animal pest control.
"Due to new environment regulations, it is no longer permissible to kill dingoes", he said.
He then went on to say, "It is permissible to legally trap, castrate and release male dingoes."
An exasperated cattle farmer jumped to his feet and said, "Will somebody tell this drongo that the dingoes are eating my calves, not having sex with them."
