A man had been convinced by his lawyer to buy a racehorse. He desperately wanted the horse to be a Melbourne Cup winner.
Unfortunately this was not to be.
After thirty starts the horse had not one a race and usually finished last.
As the horse was entered into a race at country meeting the frustrated owner took it aside and whispered into its ear, "Horse, you win today or your will pull a milk cart tomorrow morning!"
The starting gates open and all of the horses took off, except for the angry owner's horse, which lay down on the grass and went to sleep.
He raced up, glared at the horse and yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
The horse, half asleep, replied, "I have to get up at three in the morning!"
Melbourne Cup Day in 1955 was on the 5 November.
A man who lived at Number 5 Main Street caught the 55 bus to work.
At work he discovered that his boss had arranged for him to be moved into office number 5.
At lunch time he looked at the day's Sun newspaper and discovered that the Melbourne Cup was Race Number 5.
The fifth horse in the face was named "Old Fifty-five" and its price was 5 to 1.
The man looked in his wallet and discovered that he had exactly 5 pounds..
He raced to the local pub at 555 Johnson Street where an illegal SP bookie was operating.
Feeling that it was his lucky day and with so many omens he bet his 5 pounds on number 5.
Sure enough, it ran fifth!
Q. What do you call a person from Sicily who fixes horse races?
A. Rigatoni