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The Rotary Club of
Mount Eliza
Chartered 1971
 
Club Information
Mount Eliza
Service Above Self
We meet Tuesdays at 6:00 PM
ZOOM VIDEO CONFERENCE
Mt Eliza
Mount Eliza, VIC 3930
Australia
Phone:
0419 386 900
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Upcoming Events
ROTARY DISTRICT 9820 WEBINAR WITH GREG HUNT MP
Apr 14, 2020 5:00 PM
 
RCME ZOOM MEETING
Apr 21, 2020 6:00 PM
 
ANZAC DAY
Apr 25, 2020
 
RCME ZOOM MEETING
Apr 28, 2020 6:00 PM
 
Board Meeting
May 14, 2020
 
Board Meeting
Jun 11, 2020
 
View entire list
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President's Message
Ross Schweitzer
member photo
The Thoughts of President Ross
 
الكلاب تنبح لكن القافلة تستمر
The dogs bark but the caravan moves on
 
......... is an Arabic Proverb.

Etymology

The saying is found in many languages from the Middle East to India. In Turkish and Azerbaijani, it rhymes (Turkish it ürür, kervan yürür, and Azerbaijani it hürər, karvan keçər), suggesting that Turkic languages may be the origin. Not so, the proverb is originally Arabic; their dogs weren't eaten.

the dogs barkbut the caravan goes on

Progress moves inexorably ahead, no matter the criticism it may attract.
 
Sounds suspiciously akin to Break the Chains. In such a scenario, are we the dogs or the caravan?
 
I understand that some smart chap will say we can't take out a caravan at present. We can still maintain and prepare it; which brings me to my thoughts.
 
Immediately prior to my two Years as Secretary, I for some weeks' stood in ' for the then Secretary while said person was in Europe. I had basic training in the procedure [more than some predecessors enjoyed, I'm told] and then muddled my way into my first Year.
 
It took me, in conjunction with the new President, the better part of a Year to work out what was historically ingrained, what idiosyncrasies our Club had, and what needed modernising. That is, to align our Club with District / RI procedures; not pick and choose according to a separate agenda.
 
I was stunned to learn that as Secretary I did not have access and control over a number of data bases as required by Law. I found this out by accident when a member moved her place of residence and I could not change the records.
 
Since those days, we established systems and procedures that keep District et. al. informed; that make our accounting simple thanks to P - E Sue and Penny Pincher Chris, adopted ClubRunner; taken our IT in - house and much more.
 
If there be any doubting Thomases [and I know there are] regarding ClubRunner, ask our Editor Jim, or P - E Sue Voss where we'd be without 'it'.
 
I worked at a huge multi - national company for many Years [in the days when computers needed their own air - conditioned room] whose Chief Operating Officer purchased a 'computer system'. The rest of 'our' World was running IBM machines that talked to each other. For his own reasons, the C.O.O. bought Sigma Data. It cost more than the equivalent of our Nett Profit for several Years. The brand was incompatible. I leave the slew of outcomes to your imagination.
 
n. 'slew' is from the Irish Gaelic slaugh, meaning 'multitude'. Don't you know?
 
So, because of personal experience, I have at her request, mentored our current Secretary for the past ten months. I must now watch the caravan move on, and undertake not to bark unless sorely tested. smiley
 
 
Sincerely,
 
Ross
Da Prez
 
 
 
 
District Governor Elect Mark Humphries
 
Adrian Froggat, Rotary District 9820 Governor, has arranged for the Federal Health Minister, The Hon Greg Hunt MP,  to speak at a Live Webinar next Tuesday 14 April at 5.00 pm
All District 9820 Rotarians are invited to participate in this exclusive Rotary forum.
If you would like to ask the Minister a question during the Q&A session, you please forward your questions to secretary@rotary9820.org.au prior to the close of business Monday 13th April AEST
 
Details are as follows:
 
Zoom webinar
When: Apr 14, 2020 05:00 Canberra, Melbourne, Sydney
Topic: Rotary caring for our Communities during COVID-19
 
To attend, please register in advance at https://zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_DLgly3viSPuLEDtSqWihzw
 
After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the webinar.
 
Webinar Speakers
 
Adrian Froggat (District Governor @Rotary International District 9820)
District Governor for Rotary District 9820 2019-2020.
Rotary Club of Berwick
 
Greg Hunt (Rotarian)
The Hon Greg Hunt MP, Rotarian, Federal Member for Flinders, Federal Minister for Health
The Federal Minister for Health is responsible for national health and wellbeing and medical research.
The Hon Greg Hunt MP has served as Minister for Health since 2017 and has represented the Electorate of Flinders since 2001
 
 
Mark & Linda
Stories
Wishing All Readers A Very Happy Easter
Read more...
RCME NOT MEETING ON TUESDAY 14 APRIL
As with last week, this week's Bulletin has been sent out early so that members are informed of the following:
 
As our Rotary District 9820 is holding a webinar at 5.00 pm on Tuesday 14 April with the Federal Health Minister Greg Hunt MP as the guest speaker (see DGE Mark's story), the Board has decided that our Club will not be meeting on Tuesday 14 April.
 
Our next meeting will be via Zoom on Tuesday 21 April from 6.00 pm until 730 pm
Read more...
Our Weekly Meetings Returning to Normal - (via ZOOM)
Thank you and congratulations to the 26 members of our Club who participated in our weekly meeting, via Zoom, last Tuesday 7 April.
From Tuesday, 21 April we will be returning to weekly meetings.
As far as possible we will try and undertake business as usual, with President's, Directors' and Welfare Reports, a guest speaker, three minute speaker, fines and heads and tails.
After consideration our Board has decided to ask each member to pay $20 per month. This will cover the costs of meeting, fines and heads and tails. As you know this money is then used to purchase Christmas Hampers at year end.
The Club requests that you pay your $20 into the Rotary Club of Mt Eliza Account - BSB 633 000, Account Number 152 498 093 on the first day of each month. The first $20 is due to be paid on Friday, 1 May 2020.
Until we can meet again in person, heads and tails will have a single weekly winner. That winner will have a bottle of port (or a box of chocolates for non drinkers) delivered to their home the day after the meeting.
During these difficult times, it is good to be given the opportunity to be actively involved in Rotary while we are still in self isolation.
As you will have noted from Mark's story earlier in this Bulletin, next Tuesday, 14 April District 9820 is holding a Zoom meeting with Federal Health Minister Greg Hunt, so our next RCME Meeting will be held between 6.00 pm and 7.30 pm on Tuesday, 21 April.
 
Join RCME Zoom Meeting on Tuesday 21 April and each Tuesday thereafter at 6.00 pm
 
Meeting ID: 417 783 450
 
Read more...
Alex Anderson's Anagrams
Rotarian Alex has forwarded the following:

Someone out there 
Must be "deadly" at Scrabble..
(Wait till you see the last one)! 

PRESBYTERIAN : 
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER 

ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters: 
MOON STARER
 

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT 

THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters: 
THEY SEE 

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS 

DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME 

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY 

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters: 
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT 

SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters: 
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S 

A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE 

THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE 

ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters: 
TWELVE PLUS ONE 

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: 

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters: 
WOMAN HITLER 

 
Read more...
Mini Maestros
 
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Lacking structure in your days at home with your little one or your grandchild?
We have a solution. Enrol into Mini Maestros Online and you will have routine, fun, learning, bonding time and something to look forward to each week that you can participate in again and again.
Children and parents LOVE Mini Maestros music lessons for 0-5s.
Enrol in your first Mini Maestros online class together for free! You'll be glad you did!
GET YOUR FIRST ONLINE CLASS FREE HERE: https://0rotplrf.pages.infusionsoft.net/   
 
Profile Pic
Kylie Rendle
Teacher & Owner Operator, Mini Maestros
 
 
0409 020 495 
kylie.rendle@minimaestros.com.au 
http://www.minimaestros.com.au
 
Disclosure: Kylie Rendle is the daughter of the Editor
Read more...
Laughter The Best Medicine - 14 April
A couple in their late nineties were both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup with their GP, the doctor told them that they were physically all right however they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that evening while watching TV, the husband rose from his chair.
"I'm going to the kitchen", he said. "Do you want anything?"
His wife replied, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream".
"Sure", he said.
"Don't you think that you should write it down so that you remember?" his wife asked
"No, I can remember it!" he replied.
She then said, "Well I would like some strawberries on top and some whipped cream. I'm certain that you will forget that so write it down!"
Irritated, the old man said, "I don't need to write it down.I can remember ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I've got it for goodness sake!"
Then he toddled off to the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returned and handed his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "Where's my toast?"
 
 
 
The GP rang his patient and said, "I have bad news for you. Your test results have come back and you definitely have COVID-19."
The patient said, "That's awful, what happens now?"
The doctor replied, "Well, it looks like you have a bad case, so we are going to have to admit you to hospital and be put in a room by yourself in strict isolation."
The doctor then said, "You will spend all of your time in a special single person ward and will be fed on a diet of flounder, pizza and pancakes."
The patient asked, "A diet of flounder, pizza and pancakes, will that cure me?"
"No", replied the doctor, "but they are easy to slide under the door!"
 
 
 
A chap went into hospital to have a cyst removed from his leg.
After the operation the surgeon approached him in the recovery room. 
"I am sorry to tell you that there has been a mix up and there is good news and bad news", said the surgeon.
The patient panicked and asked, "What is the bad news?"
The surgeon explained, "There was a mix up in the order of patients and both of your legs have been amputated!"
"That's dreadful", the patient cried out, "What's the good news?"
"The fellow in the next bed wants to buy your shoes."
 
 
 
98 year old Mr Smith went to see his doctor.
"Doc",  he said, "I would like a complete check up. I am marrying a 25 year old woman next week and I want to make sure that I am in tip top shape."
The doctor gave him medical and then said, "At your age you should be taking things easy. In fact it might be a good idea to take in a young, energetic lodger."
Six months later the doctor ran into the old fellow in the street and he asked, "How is married life?"
"Wonderful", came the reply, "I am pleased to say that my wife is pregnant!"
"Ah, excellent", said the doctor, "And did you take my advice about a lodger."
With a twinkle in his eye, the old fellow replied, "Yes, she's pregnant too!"
Given her religious proclivities, the second wife of one of our most famous prime ministers was very very worried when he passed away. She needed to know whether or not he made it to heaven.
Using information only available to a special few, she telephoned heaven.
"This is the Virgin Mary", said the receptionist, "may I help you?"
The wife said, "This is Mrs Hawke, has Bob arrived yet?"
"No"', came the reply.
A little later she repeated the call.
"This is the Immaculate Mary, Mother of God, May I help you?"
She rang again the next day and the call was answered differently, "G'day, this is Mary, what can I do for you?"
Blanche turned to her friends and said, "Bob's in heaven!"
 
Presidential One Liners ...
 
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
 
I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
 
I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
.
Still haven't decided where to go for Easter. The Living Room or The Bedroom.
 
Advice: Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
 
Home-schooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
 
I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Summer Time to the Twilight Zone.
 
This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house and told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
 
So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My Fat Life just find me or do I find them?
 
Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
 
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet bowl.
 
Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
 
I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
 
I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of  Los Loungeles
 
Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitiser for good clean fun.
 
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
 
Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under….
Read more...
Letters & Numbers Maths Problem
Last weeks problem was:
Are you able to use the following five little and one big number to come up with an equation that totals 481?
75   3   2   5   9   4
All six numbers must be used.
 
Fifteen minutes after publication, Rotarian Frank Flowers emailed the Editor with a solution - (3x2x75) + (4x9) - 5 = 481.
 
Congratulations Frank!
 
This week's challenge is:
Are you able to use the following five little and one big number to come up with an equation that totals 927?
 
50   2   9   3   4   6
 
All six numbers must be used.
Read more...
CONUNDRUM
Can you work out a 9 letter word from the jumbled letters below?
 
If you have time, how many other words with four plus letters can you make from these nine letters?
 
G  N  E  A  A  C  L  H  R  
 
Answer next week
 
 
Last week's solution - H E G A P C M A N = CHAMPAGNE
 
 
Read more...
Five Question Quiz
The answers to last week's Five Question Quiz were:
 
1. The party game Twister was originally going to be called what?
 
A Pretzel  B Bender  C Contortion  D Twisted
 
2. What is the Graff Diamonds Hallucination? A Necklace  B Ring  C  Clock  D Watch
 
3. The Arnolfini Portrait is a painting by which Dutch artist?  A Jan van Eyck   B Vermeer  C Frans Hals  D Rembrandt
 
4. Sterlet, Kaluga and Osetra are all varieties of which food?  A Mushrooms   B Cheese  C Caviar   D Oysters
 
5. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse", is an iconic line from which movie?  A The Godfather  B Gone with the Wind  C Citizen Kane  D Wall Street
 
This weeks five questions are:
 
1.  In which play does Lady Bracknell famously say, "A handbag?"   A  The Real Inspector Hound  B The Cherry Orchard  C Abigail's Party  D The Importance of Being Earnest
 
2. The Hayabusa is a sports motorcycle produced by which manufacturer?  A Honda  B Yamaha  C Kawasaki  D Suzuki
 
3. According to tradition, where should the guest of honour be seated at a dinner party? A Opposite the host  B Next to the host  C At the head of the table  D At the foot of the table
 
4. Which Shakespearean character was Prince of Tyre?  A Hamlet  B Pericles  D Coriolanus  D Lago
 
5. Which cocktail contains tequila, triple sec and lime juice?  A Martini  B Mojito  C Margarita  D Manhattan
Read more...
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P O Box 95 Mount Eliza 3930
We meet at 6:00 PM Every Tuesday at Toorak College