The best humour is often drawn from contemporary Life.
 
For those of us who are amazed by ideas for curesremedies and ante diluvian alchemy, I offer you a choice of two narratives.
 
Both are true; it may be difficult for many to select the 150 Year - old one, from the one that is barely one week old. Presumably, some people will believe anything.  
 
Sometimes Humanity provides us all with introspection about those who hold themselves as Pillars of the Community, but are unwittingly, victims of their own folly. At least we, the Great Unwashed, draw amusement.
Remedy 1.
I offer for your consideration expert advice about dealing with near - drowning. The infrastructure required is a locker (several, actually, spaced equally at at 100 yards (note). Within each cabinet ensure the following items are always available: one brass funnel, hemp, flints and strikers, or wax matches, a cup of lard, a police - issue whistle. Instructions  in waterproof grease pencil. 
Procedure: In the event of a drowning person being retrieved from the river. 1. Turn him face down and pull his breeches down below his buttocks. 2. Prepare a smouldering fire from the hemp, lubricate the narrow end of the brass funnel with the lard and insert it into the victim’s anus. 3. Capture the smoke in the broad end of the funnel and puff the smoke into the orifice of the patient. 4. Blow the whistle .....
 
Remedy 2.
 
This is recommended by a ‘doctor’ to avoid the spread of a virus he previously said would take  greater than eight thousand Australian lives.
(modified description) Do not break wind whilst not wearing clothes. And... close all the bottle shops. 
 
No wonder ScoMo turned him down. 
 
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