PP Ross has contributed the following 'LEXOPHILIA':
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
An Australian shearer from Hay in NSW won $20,000 in a lottery. Never having been overseas before he decided to shout himself a trip to Boston. He chose Boston because he had always liked the story of the Boston Tea Party about which he heard at school.
After arriving at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel and checking into his room, he asked the concierge what he should do while visiting.
"Sir", came the reply, "you must take a day trip to Martha's Vineyard. The Boston Tea Party Ships Museum is also a must see. As well, I recommend a tour of the Freedom Trail and a visit to the Museum of Fine Arts."
The concierge added, "Boston is also famous for its seafood. We have some of the best seafood restaurants in the world. The scrod (young haddock, cod or similar fish) is delicious. There are so many fine restaurants to try."
The Aussie walked outside and was overwhelmed with the size of the city so he decided to get into a cab and asked the driver to take him to a fine seafood restaurant.
Unbeknown to him, the cabdriver was a post graduate student studying for his PhD in linguistics and grammatical syntax at Harvard. He was a part-time driver while working his way through college.
"Hey, cabby, where can I get scrod?" the young Australia asked in his shrill strine voice.
Upon hearing this the cabdriver replied, "My dear sir, I have heard it asked for in many ways, shapes and forms, however never have I heard it asked for in the past pluperfect tense!"
