After a very long drought in Western Queeensland, it had eventually begun to rain.
Then it rained for days and days on end.
The local river had swollen, broken its banks and the whole district was flooded.
Not to be outdone by the weather a travelling salesman had rowed a boat across to the homestead where a farmer, his wife and children were sitting on a galvanised iron roof.
"Pretty bad, eh?" called the salesman, clambering onto the roof.
As he sat chatting with the family he noticed a battered old Akubra moving round and round in circles on the floodwater.
"Do you see that? What is it?" asked the salesman.
"Oh, that," said the farmer, "That's Grandpa. Last week he said that, come hell or high water, he was going to mow the lawn today!"
Three men were having a beer in their local pub and arguing about when life begins.
The first fellow, a young university student studying theology stated: "Without doubt, life begins at the moment f conception!"
The second chap, also quite young said, "Life begins at the time of birth. I am sure that this is the most realistic and sensible way of seeing things."
There elderly colleague looked at him, shook his head and said, "You're both wrong. Life begins when the kids are married, the pets are no longer with us and the mortgage is paid off!"
"Yes sir, what's your pleasure?" asked the barman at Young & Jackson's upstairs bar.
"A scotch and a box of matches," said the fellow who had just walked up to the bar.
He drank the Scotch and put 50 cents on the counter. "This is for the matches. I didn't really want a drink, however you were so kind to give me one."
"Don't come the raw prawn. Cough up for the Scotch," said the barman.
"Certainly not. You offered me a drink," came the reply.
"Get out of here. You're barred," said the annoyed barman.
A week went by and the chap walked back into the bar.
"You!", said the barman. "You are barred from here."
"There must be some mistake," said the fellow. I've never been here before. You must have me mixed up with someone else."
The barman starred and said, "Then you must have a double."
"That's very kind of you." said the chap "And a box of matches!"
Advice to a young politician from a long-term time server: "Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it!"
