A young graduate was in his first week of employment with the major accounting firm.
He was working back on a project at 6.30 pm when he decided to shred some earlier draft papers that were no longer required.
He had just finished when the firm's CEO rushed in carrying a single sheet of paper.
"Listen", he said, "My Secretary's gone home for the day. Do you know how to work this thing?" and he pointed at the shredder.
"Certainly", said the young man.
"Excellent, excellent", said the CEO and the young man put the paper into the opening of the shredder.
As the paper disappeared into the machine the CEO said, "I only need two copies."
In the USSR is the 1970s, a colonel in the Red Army decided to buy a new Lada car.
He rang the Lada factory and placed the order.
He then asked the factory manager, "How long until my car will be available?"
The factory manager checked, came back and said, today is the 18 August 1973. Your car will come off the production line and be ready for you to pick it up in five years time, that is the 18 August 1978.
The colonel thought for a second and asked, "Will that be in the morning or the afternoon?"
The factory manager said, "Listen, its five years from now. What does it matter if its the morning or the afternoon?"
The colonel replied, "The plumber is coming that morning!"
An aeroplane landed on the runway at a remote country airport with great difficulty, almost causing a huge accident.
They taxied to the terminal and while the passengers were disembarking, the Captain wiped his brow and said, "Good heavens, that's the shortest runway I ever seen."
"You're not kidding", said the co-pilot, looking out the window, "But is sure is wide!"
A grain farmer had decided to plant a crop of watermelons to supplement his wheat crop.
By mid Spring the paddock with the watermelons was filled and the farmer was planning to pick them in three weeks time and ship them off to the market.
The next day he noticed that a couple of watermelons were gone. This kept on happening and over the next week at least twenty of the fine looking fruit had disappeared.
The farmer notice some bicycle tracks by the side of the paddock and he figured out that it was the local kids helping themselves.
So he thought of a plan and late one afternoon, he painted a large sign that read, "Warning! One of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide!"
The next morning the farmer couldn't wait to see if his plan had scared off the local teenagers.
He walked up and down the paddock and couldn't see any missing melons.
Then he went up to the sign that he had written the day before.
Scrawled across the bottom was another sentence, "Now there are two!"