A 95 year woman was being interviewed on 3AW because she had just been married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life and how it felt to be marrying again at the age of 95.
He then asked what her new husband did as a job.
"He's a 60 year old funeral director", came the prompt reply.
"Interesting" the announcer said, then he asked, "What did your first three husbands do?"
The woman though for a while and after pausing said, "I married my first husband, a banker, when I was in my 20s. Then in my 40s I married a circus ringmaster. When I entered my 60s I married a preacher and now at 95 I have just married my fourth husband, a funeral director".
The interviewer was astonished and he asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!"
A man was sitting at the table reading his paper when his wife came up behind him and hit him on the back of his head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he struggled to ask as he picked himself up from the floor.
His wife said, "I just found a piece of paper in one of your shirt pockets with "Georgie Doll" written on it."
He said, "Darling please that was the name of the greyhound that I backed last Thursday evening. You know that I like to have a bet on the dogs."
His wife shrugged and walked away.
Three days later he was reading the paper again when his wife walked up behind him and hit him even harder with the frying pan.
As he struggled to get up she said, "Your greyhound rang!"
An elderly man was on the phone to his son, "I feel like my body has become totally out of shape. So I went to the doctor and had him give me a physical so I could join a fitness class and start exercising!"
When I arrived at the gym I decided to take the aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for half an hour. But, by the time I got my ym gear on the class was over."
A young man was walking around a supermarket to pick up some milk and bread when he noticed an old man following him around.
He thought nothing of it. However in the checkout line the old man was just in front of him.
He turned and said, "Pardon me. I'm sorry to stare at you, however you look just like my son who died three weeks ago."
The young man said, "I am so sorry. Is there anything that I can do for you?"
"Yes", the old man said, "As I'm leaving could you please say, Good bye Dear old Dad? It would make me feel so much better."
The young man was happy to oblige.
As he went today he saw that his total was $325.50.
"How can that be?" he asked. I only bought milk and bread."
"Your father said that you would pay for him", said the checkout person.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from a church service when she was startled by an intruder.
As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home she yelled, "STOP! ACTS 2:38" (Repent and be baptised, in the name of the Lord Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained the situation.
As a policeman cuffed the thief to take him in, he asked, "Why did you just stand there. All the old lady did was quote scripture."
"SCRIPTURE!" he exclaimed, "SHE SAID THAT SHE HAD AN AXE AND TWO 38s!"
Two elderly couples were having dinner together at the home of one of the couples.
As the ladies retired to the kitchen the two gentlemen were left talking.
One said, "Last night we went to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other elderly chap asked, "What was the name of the restaurant?"
The first man though for a while and finally said, "What is the name of that flower that you give someone you love? You know, the one that has beautiful colours and thorns?"
"Do you mean a rose?" he said.
"That's the one", replied the first man.
He then called out to his wife in the kitchen, "Rose, what was the name of the restaurant that we went to last night?"
