The Lawn Bowls Club Secretary in Edinburgh was visiting a fellow bowler in hospital. He asked the patient how he was going and how things were. The reply came, "The nurses are very good and so is the treatment that I have been receiving. But the food gets a bit boring." "What do you mean boring?" asked the Secretary. "Well, we get 'Haggis' for breakfast. 'Haggis' for lunch and then again 'Haggis' for dinner." "What do you expect," said the Secretary, "this is the Burns Unit!" Definition of a Novice Bowler - a new convert to bowls who confesses that he knows nothing about the game and isn't a very good player who then gets angry when you agree with him. Deciding to take up the game of lawn bowls, I rang my local bowling club and asked the person who answered, "Is that the local bowling club?" He said, "It depends on where you're calling from!" If If you can always roll the jack, right at your skipper's feet, If you can always draw the shot, the one that must be beat. When asked to play a 'yard on' do you judge it to perfection And when you are called to drive, can you always make correction? If you can come up smiling when the other bloke Puts your good shot out of play and treats it as a joke. If you're the one who saves the day, I'll say to you my son, "You're a bloody hero, what's more the only one!" The names in the following story have been changed to protect the guilty. Bowler Smith grasped at his heart and dropped on the green just as the Skipper Jones was about to let go of his bowl. The other players called out to Jones to stop. The skipper had a long look and then said, "It's all right. I can draw around him!" Smith heard this exchange and he was so angry that it gave him the will to survive.
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