A fellow went into The Rocks Restaurant in Mornington and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress sweetly at him and said, "Once upon a time that was a handsome lobster who lived in the ocean ..." Travelling in the outback a young chap ordered a boiled egg and toast for breakfast at the pub at which he was staying. When the egg arrived it fell out of the eggcup and he noticed a message inscribed on the bottom of the egg in beautiful handwriting - I am a beautiful twenty-two year old woman and I am looking for a boyfriend. If you are single please ring this number. Below the message was a telephone number. The young fellow was single so he rang the number while he was eating his breakfast. "Thanks so much for ringing", said the woman, "However I was married 18 months ago!" The oil company Chevron was drilling for oil in the Northern Territory. An American manager and a group of US geologists had been flown in to take control of the site. The company had hired several Australians as labourers, one of whom dropped his hammer down the drilling shaft. All drilling had to stop for days on end until it was finally retrieved. The American manager then assembled all of the team around the drill site shaft and called forward the young Australian who had dropped the hammer. In front of everyone, with a sweeping gesture he presented the hammer back to the Australian. "I want you to keep this as a memento", he said, "and hope that it will remind you of the trouble and expense that you have caused Chevron through your carelessness." "So take it and leave. You're fired!" "Do you mean I'm sacked?" asked the Australian. "Exactly!" came the reply.
"Well I won't need this hammer," said the Aussie, dropping the hammer back down the the shaft again. No one believes seniors ... everyone thinks that they are senile. An elderly couple were celebrating their 60th Wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts, having met in primary school. To celebrate their anniversary they decided to visit their old school, Mt Eliza Primary. It was towards the end of the school day and all the children had gone home. However staff members were there and they were allowed to go into the old Grade 5 classroom. There was the desk that they had sat together in. Harry looked underneath and there it was - where he had carved Harry loves Sally more than 75 years ago. On their way back home, an armoured car was leaving one of the banks. The back door wasn't properly closed and a bag of money fell out as the vehicle continued on its way. Harry picked up the bag and they took it home where they counted it - $100,000 in $50 and $100 dollar notes! Sally said, "We have to take this to the bank and return it." Harry replied, "No, finders keepers", and he hid the money in the attic. The next day police officers were canvassing the neighbourhood asking if anyone had seen the missing bag. "No", said Harry and went to close the door. "He's lying", said Sally. "He has the money and he hid it in the attic!" "Don't believe her", Harry pleaded, "She's getting senile." The officers turned to Sally and said, "Tell us what happened." "Well", said Sally, "We were coming home from school ..." One officer turned to the other and said, "We're leaving. I've heard enough. Let's go and ask the other neighbours!"
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