The Rotary Club of
Mount Eliza
Chartered 1971
Club Information
Mount Eliza
Service Above Self
We meet Tuesdays at 6:00 PM
Mt Eliza
Mount Eliza, VIC 3930
0419 386 900
DistrictSiteIcon District Site
VenueMap Venue Map
Jun 02, 2020
Origins of Life - Are they at the bottom of the ocean?
Jun 09, 2020
Kokoda Trail in PNG
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Upcoming Events
Board Meeting
Jun 11, 2020
District Changeover
Jun 27, 2020
5:00 PM – 8:00 PM
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Meeting Responsibilities
Meeting Responsibilities 2 June
Three Minute Speaker
Vincent, Rhonda
Falkiner, Hanne
Meeting Responsibilities 9 June
Three Minute Speaker
Weber, Michael
Voss, Sue
ClubRunner Mobile
President's Message
Ross Schweitzer
member photo
The thoughts of President Ross
ein deutschsprachiger Hund Greetings from Lorne. 
Why Chris Angerer won the quiz as to who to trust about the Corona Virus: He submitted proof that it is Norman.
There's a point to this, stick with me!
'Norman' is a Germanic name meaning 'Northern Town', and he is after all a Dachshund [badger dog] der Dachs. If you watch Midsomer Murders [I'm surprised anyone is left alive] DCI John Barnaby has a dog of sorts that, when asked what it was, he replied 'it's a Deutscher Sprechhund'. This is dry English humor.
But I digress; Bach to 'badgers', and homonyms [words sounding alike but having different meanings]. This entire article depends on it. Trust me.
It is almost Changeover and RISPPO [Rotary South Pacific Philipines Office] are sending new Theme material, including for P - E Sue's Board, new badges. smiley
This reminds me: P- E Voss is required / requested, please, to upload a contemporary photograph of herself into her ClubRunner profile. For use on the mast of this News column, soon to be hers; or risk anonymity, or worse, a photo I pick. A sponsor, too.
IPP - Editor  Jim, given Toorak College is out of action 'at least until 19 June', well, Jim is afield investigating options. We can gather at a distance [!] in groups of up to 20. From 01 June, Evelyn's birthday, some options like CB's upstairs for a meeting or just a meal. Jim and Sue as Club Service Director will decide.
You heard more on this at the ZOOM Meeting, as I'm writing this Tuesday morning 26th.
RCME is to send the final batch of knitted items / warm clothing by the spontaneous and much appreciated courtesy of Victoria Police Mornington. LSC Greg Kraus PHF, and Colleagues. I'm trying for W/C Monday 08 June.
Now, the knitted items are being personally transported by Greg in Mornington's 'Brawler', Callsign Golf 1. These new vehicles are based I think on a Colorado, a 5 - seater ute but fitted with rear 'accommodation' for 5 or 6 'Australian Standard Criminals'.
We have the opportunity to include other useful items [no furniture it won't fit through the 'guest' door]. I have spoken with President - select Neil Heron and Sir Biggles. Not more clothing / items we expressly excluded last time. We regret to report that one or two members disposed of items that Red Shield would reject, unfortunately. 
Kitchen appliances, utensils, good directors' chairs, tools powered and manual, hoses and fittings, tarpaulins [Bunnings sell these for a handful of coins] power extension leads / cables / flashlights. Sporting equipment! Chocolates, Sue? - but not 'pre - eaten, and without bite marks this time please. 
The Constabulary are coming to our place to collect it all in a week. Just think of it as expending some of the energy you saved whilst being inactive, by contributing 'in kind,' please. The Police in both Bairnsdale and Orbost have special staff assigned to community welfare. Let's 'show up'. You won't die!
And Now:
The outgoing Board: Limited, numbered copies, personally signed, are available:
One of the Great Things about being da Prez is that Board Members give you things. wink
No, seriously; both of these items were knitted by Josie Angerer.
I wager the recipient/ s will be very pleased.
Most sincerely
Da Prez
District Governor Elect Mark Humphries
DG elect Mark is busy on a plethora of Rotary and work issues and will not be writing a column this week.
Reminder from Mark from last week, please keep an eye open at the Rotary Convention website for more details.
Mark & Linda
Apology to our  Guest Speaker Jeanette Etherington
Jeanette Etherington, Interplast Engagement Coordinator, the guest speaker scheduled for our Zoom meeting on Tuesday 26 May was 'unable' to attend the meeting. Not her doing.
This happened because we had omitted to update her since April 25, and confirm our ZOOM Link.
President Ross has apologised to Jeanette on behalf of the Club and it is expected that she will be able to join us, either via Zoom or in person, at a meeting later this year, pending our schedules.
It is beholden upon 'us' to ensure that we take 'ownership' of the 'new normal' requirements and not snub our guests.
Would all members please note that the Zoom link is valid to 14 July inclusive.
Our meeting ID is 812 5751 3232
Five Question Quiz
The answers to last week's Five Question Quiz were:
1. Which was Jane Austen's first novel?  A Pride and Prejudice  B Sense and Sensibility  C Northhanger Abbey  D Emma
2. What is the name of the variety of sushi which features the rice on the outside?  A Temaki  B Sashimi  C Uramaki  D Nigiri
3. Shiny, red-lacquered soles are the signature look of which designer's footwear?  A Jimmy Choo  B Manolo Blahnik  C Christian Louboutin  D Bruno Magli
4. Perigord and Terfezia Boudieri are varieties of which food?  A Asparagus  B Truffle  C Mushroom  D Tomato
5. Who said, "A day without laughter is a day wasted?"  A. Noel Coward  B Oscar Wilde  C Charlie Chaplin  D Stan Laurel
This week's five questions are:
1. Which fashion designer created Madonna's infamous cone bra?  A Jean Paul Gaultier B Vivienne Westwood  C John Galliano  D Alexander McQueen
2. The first known book on appropriate behaviour (etiquette) was written in which country?  A Italy  B England  C Egypt  D Iran
3. Which famous cocktail was invented at Harry's Bar, Venice, in 1934?  A Tom Collins  B Hurricane  C Cosmopolitan  D Bellini
4. How many basic positions of the feet are there in ballet?  A 4  B 6  C 5  D 3
5. Which horror novel was subtitled The Modern Prometheus?  A Dracula  B The Phantom of the Opera  C Frankenstein  D Interview with the Vampire
Requests arising from Meeting on 26 May
Following a suggestion from President Ross, at our Zoom meeting on 26 May, it was decided that, as a fund-raising exercise we would ask members to make a donation to the Annual Red Shield Appeal, run by the Salvation Army.
The Rotary Club of Dromana is collecting for the Red Shield Appeal and we have been asked to assist.
Members are asked to consider making a donation and paying it into the Club's Project Account - BSB 633 000 Account 152 498 135.
Members are respectively reminded that on Monday next week, 1 June the next $20 payment is due to cover Heads & Tails and Club Fines with monies going towards the year-end hampers organised by Sergeant Trish Stamp.
It was also decided at our meeting this week to hold a "best hat" competition next week. The cost to enter is $2 and President Ross will award a bottle of wine to the winner.
Both the $20 and $2 payments should be made into the Club General Account - BSB 633 000  Account number 152 498 093.
Thank you to all members for your support on these fund-raising matters.
Living with COVID-19
I would like to tell you a Coronavirus joke however you'll have to wait two weeks for the punchline.
You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona!
Why didn't the sick man get the joke? It flu over his head!
What do you call panic buying of sausage and cheese in Germany?  The wurst-kase scenario!
What's the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.
What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet? One is a coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
So many Coronavirus jokes out there. It's a pundemic!
What did the man say to the bartender? I'll have a corona, hold the virus!
I ran out of toilet paper and started using newspaper. Times are rough!
Most months have 30 or 31 days. However this year March and April were infinite!!
On a serious note, as at midnight on 25 May, globally there were 5,497,538 confirmed cases of COVID-19  and 346,269 people have reportedly died from the infection.
Favourite Television Shows of Days Gone By
"Good evening and welcome to television."
These were the first words spoken on Australian television by Bruce Gyngell on 16 September 1956.
Australian television started just in time for the 1956 Olympic Games which were held in Melbourne.
In 1949 Australian Prime Minister Chifley announced that the Commonwealth Government would seek to implement a national television service as soon as possible. 
However a change of government and a reluctance to embrace this new medium meant that the introduction of television was delayed until 1956.
The first three stations in Melbourne were HSV7, GTV9 and the government owned ABV2 (run by the ABC).
In 1956 only a small percentage of the population owned a TV set and I can remember standing outside a local department store with a large crowd of people watching TV through the shop front window. 
By early 1959 it was estimated that about 35% of homes had a television. This was the year that my father lashed out and paid 350 pounds for a TV set.
By the start of 1961 the number of places with a TV had increased to approximately 50% of homes.
Today there are currently more than eighteen million working televisions sets in Australia and many more people access TV through personal computers and other devices.
For those of us who were youngsters in the '50s and '60s there were many favourite  TV programs.
Among many programs that I used to enjoy, my favourites were Superman, Circus Boy, Rawhide, The Real McCoys, The Untouchables, Seventy-Seven Sunset Strip and Have Gun Will Travel (Paladin).
On Sunday evenings after dinner our family would sit down together and watch the Sunday Evening Movie (the one night where we were allowed to stay up after 8.30 pm).
During the recent COVID-19 lockdown I have discovered that many of these early programs are available on YouTube. There are hundreds of different programs from the 1950s, '60s and '70s and I have also enjoyed watching programs that I have not seen before including the American Game Show, "What's My Line?"
Anybody with a smart TV and an internet connection can watch YouTube. It is also available via mobile devices and iPads.
Looking at some of these shows for the first time in well over 50 years I have been amazed at the wooden acting and the rather light story lines. However, these programs are still enjoyable and bring back many fond memories.
Laughter the Best Medicine
There was a huge commotion coming from the house next door.
Shortly thereafter, a neighbour looked over the back fence and noticed that the man next door was digging an enormous hole in the ground.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
The muttered reply was, "I'm burying my dead cat."
The neighbour said, "Oh, that a pity. But Felix was only a little cat. Why are you digging such a big hole?"
The man next door solemnly explained, "Because he's inside your bloody Great Dane!"
Two young women were walking along the banks of the Yarra River in Melbourne when they heard a cry for help.
They had some trouble finding out where it came from however they eventually found a green frog with it's leg caught on a snag at the edge of the water.
They set the frog free.
The frog then went on to explain that he was a Gold Coast entrepreneur who had been trapped by the latest economic downturn.
He had asked a wizard for help, however the wizard had lost money on his latest development and had turned him into a frog.
The only way that he could become human again was to be kissed by a beautiful woman.
"Would one of you please kiss me?" he pleaded.
After think for a while one of the young women grabbed the frog, opened her handbag, dropped him inside and snapped it shut.
"What are you doing?"  her friend called out.
"Well", said the girl with the handbag, "I'm no fool,  a talking frog is worth a lot more than a Gold Coast entrepreneur!"
Question: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Answer: Fsh
Four young bulls were talking about their plans for the future.
The first said, "I'm going to Rome to become a Papal bull."
The second said, "I'm going to work at the ASX and become a stock market bull."
The third said, "I want to be a bull in a china shop."
The forth one said, "I'm not going anywhere. I want to say here for heifer and heifer and heifer!"
An American farmer who had moved to Australia owned a very sick horse.
He went to his Australian neighbour's farm and and asked him what he gave his horse when it got sick.
The neighbour replied, "Turpentine." 
So, off went the American. He came back several days later and said, "My horse died."
"That's funny", replied the Australian, "so did mine!"
The Eye of the Beholder
Allegory (n.)
A story, poem or picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.
Back in the 1980s a number of vehicle models were released with digital displays. Sales people told the gullible that ‘digital readout is more accurate than analog’. This is demonstrably false; a digital display may be easier to read than an analog one. It can also be more distracting. My vehicle has a choice of two types of analog display and one digital, with each offering a variety of peripheral information and colours. Go figure...
Allegedly (adv.)
Used to convey that something is claimed to be the case or have taken place, although there is no proof.
A friend of mine, a Barrister and Solicitor at an International law firm told me this bon mot: In a court case, opposing counsel stood and addressed the Bench thus: 
Several allegations have been made against my client. I demand to know who the alligator [sic.] is.

Sigmund (Sigismund) Freud himself was not always right; ask Martha Bernays. 😂 Well she’s dead too.As is Carl Jung. *

I concede that John Gilbert may well have been a drinking buddy of these three, long - deceased experts.


From ‘The Media’

As notable as the fracture among governments, is the very public division between health experts

Experts are renowned for quoting Opinion as FACT by the way. 😁 ‘Expert Opinion’ is an oxymoron.

We saw this on schools, where Victoria's Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton took a much more conservative position than others.

While Dr Young and WA Chief Health Officer Andrew Robertson were adamant this week on keeping their respective borders shut for the time being, federal Deputy Chief Medical Officer Paul Kelly said "from a medical point of view, I can't see why the borders are still closed". (Mr McGowan, WA State Premier, had earlier said: "I don't know who Paul Kelly is — clearly not the singer".)

Dr Kelly said neither the National Cabinet nor the Australian Health Protection Principal Committee (that advises it) had made decisions or given advice on state borders. Decisions on what to do were entirely up to the states.

Both Dr Young and Dr Robertson are on the AHPPC, which is described as a "consensus body". "We talked through these matters and we decided not to have a position on borders," Dr Kelly explained.

While it has been welcome in this crisis to see the politicians turning to the experts, we are now being sharply reminded experts can differ. [Surprise, surprise].

How often have we heard from politicians in recent weeks, "We are relying on the medical advice"? But that doesn't always lead in one direction, and "consensus" can be a useful concealer.

Is ‘expert advice’ a matter of geography? Worthy of a thesis.


This Week's Conundrum
Can you work out a 9 letter word from the jumbled letters below?
If you have time, how many other words with four plus letters can you make from these nine letters?
Answer next week
Last week's solution -
L  E  G  C  A  E  L  N  H = CHALLENGE
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P O Box 95 Mount Eliza 3930
We meet at 6:00 PM Every Tuesday at Toorak College