The Rotary Club of
Mount Eliza
Chartered 1971
Club Information
Mount Eliza
Service Above Self
We meet Tuesdays at 6:00 PM
Mt Eliza
Mount Eliza, VIC 3930
0419 386 900
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May 05, 2020
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Upcoming Events
Board Meeting
May 14, 2020
Board Meeting
Jun 11, 2020
District Changeover
Jun 27, 2020
5:00 PM – 8:00 PM
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Meeting Responsibilities
Meeting Responsibilities 5 May
Three Minute Speaker
Selth, Maurie
Meeting Responsibilities 12 May
Three Minute Speaker
Heron, Neil
Meeting Responsibilities 19 May
Three Minute Speaker
Meeting Responsibilities 26 May
Three Minute Speaker
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President's Message
Ross Schweitzer
member photo
The thoughts of President Ross
Some weeks ago, in commenting on 'The Fires', I asked rhetorically if it made a difference if 'we' knew any of those directly affected*, or not.
I also reminded us that there are still people in the Burns Unit at the Alfred Hospital, among others. Still.
Since my 'query', District [read: Janne Speirs]  has been undertaking the collection of new woolen knitted items; the Gippsland folk now face cold, wet weather, with ash and mud ... and snow. Likewise Chris Angerer is up to his neck in this project too. I have received for transfer to Janne a modest quantity of items, thanks to 'the Usual Suspects'.
In addition, we [Janne, again] commenced a 'Postcard' campaign about which you all know. Some of us have put their hand up to write. As soon as more packs and addresses are received I will bring them to the members who requested them. You only need provide DL envelopes and stamps; one per month. Or I will give you these... I've sent my first one.
Now, he said. Years ago there was a movie [book?] Six degrees of separation. The Good Wife, Evelyn had to explain the meaning to me. Senior Constable Kevin King's widow is the veterinary nurse who looks after my brother Paul's dog for some 6 Years.
I trust you all have got the measure of ZOOM. I'm available to give FREE one - on - one lessons; however Stage 1 is I come to your home and stand outside. Then I go home and we practice the skill. The thing is, you'll need an iPad alternatively a mobile phone if you don't want to let me in. frown
What else? As I promised a very few weeks ago, I have obtained 100ml, alcohol - based [75%] waterless hand sanitizer gel. In resealable tubes; pocket or purse. Furthermore, I stated that I would give them to those among us who need one; for when The Virus Mkii arrives. Do say. First in.... I can be bribed.
A medical expert [he of the EIGHT THOUSAND DEAD Aussies fame] was reputed to have said  COVID Mkii ...'it's bound to come and decimate all those people who hid themselves from Life; so they did not build up any resistance!].
  • And now for the one other Brave Soul who ventured forth on ANZAC DAY:
More than a week later! Still in place.
Note the small blue placard 'Lest we Forget' in a child's writing.
It was held to the wall by Blue Tack.
Do any of us know who has made this gesture?
Da Prez
District Governor Elect Mark Humphries
Hi everyone, what a hectic few weeks we have been having. COVID-19 in so many ways has given us opportunities that we normally would not get. Well now we have yet another AWESOME opportunity to get involved.
Have you ever attended a Rotary International Convention? Have you ever wanted to attend a Rotary International Convention?
You now have an opportunity to attend convention from the comfort of your own home and for FREE yes you saw that correctly FREE! This is going to be amazing. Talk about Rotary Open Opportunities.
Details are only just coming out. It will be online, we are now all use to using online technology so it will be a no brainer. Lets all get involved and lets all attend.
Rotary Conventions are an amazing experience, I have attended two conventions now and each time I come out re-invigorated and astounded at the involvement Rotary has in our communities.
Keep an eye open at the Rotary Convention website for more details.
Mark & Linda
In an ideal world our Club Bulletin will usually be distributed to members on the Wednesday following our Tuesday evening meeting.
However, over the last few weeks the Bulletin has been sent out early to promote our Tuesday ZOOM meetings.
Again, this week's Bulletin is being distributed on Monday 4 May in order to ask all Members, Honorary Members, Friends and other readers of the Bulletin to attend tomorrow's ZOOM meeting.
Our very special guest speaker this week is an incoming member of the Rotary International Board, Dr Jessie Harman
Dr Harman is the Director elect of RI Zone 8. Jessie, who is a member of the Rotary Club of Wendouree Breakfast will be a Director of Rotary International for a two year term 
Jessie has been an extraordinary Rotarian at the club, district and international level. in recent years, she has served as Rotary Co-ordinator (2013-16) and Project Lead for the Rotary Membership Plan for Zones &B & 8 (2013-17) .
Jessie is presently the Seminar Trainer for International Assembly and she has been a member of the Rotary National Training Team and Training Leader at Rotary's International Assembly in San Diego, California.
Our Club is honoured to have Jessie as a guest speaker and we thank District Governor elect Mark for arranging for her attendance tomorrow evening.
Your attendance will make this a very special meeting.
Mc Hale's Navy?
Continuing my series of 'Stranger than fiction' articles, this story has been written by one of the senior residents of The Peninsula.
True Stories from WWii:  Bob Charlesworth. RAN [ret.] In his own words; as written by his daughter, Dr Avis Ridgway PhD, whom you know as one of our guest speakers.
Now, I'm betting that you think this is a contrived story from a 98 Year - old man; it is not. As you may determine, Bob's memory is beyond reproach. Mind you, with what happened to him, his Navy service is no doubt seared into his memory.
It reminds me of the tale of a psychiatrist who was going to charge $500 to help a sailor overcome his fear of Reds under the Bed. The sailor instead spent $10 and bought a saw from Bunnings.
Bob Charlesworth R.A.N.– W1675  WW11
Bob Charlesworth joined the Royal Australian Navy in 1940 and initially trained at Cerberus, (Flinders)  for three months.
Following training, Bob went with other recruits to Sydney, sailing from Sydney Harbour on the ship Aquitania via the south of Tasmania. The Aquitania anchored offshore near Fremantle before sailing on to Bombay where three weeks shore leave was given. From Bombay, Bob joined the British merchant liner Ormond, sailing across to Mombasa in Kenya, moving down the coast of East Africa eventually reaching Cape Town and into the Atlantic to reach the Port of Freetown in Sierra Leone.
The Ormond eventually reached Clydeside in Scotland, where Bob picked up the Moreton Bay in May ’41 an old merchant ship, fitted with guns. For all navy personnel aboard, it was action stations for three months of perilous convoy work. The Moreton Bay finally sailed safely on to Birkenhead near Liverpool, where naval personnel were moved by train to Portsmouth and given leave.
Bob vividly recalls in his own words one Pacific adventure in service to his Country.
Whilst serving in the Pacific aboard Q.1359 (a small diesel motor launch) on a mission with Far Eastern Liaison Office (F.E.L.O.) to assist with the operations of F.E.L.O., when and where required, I became disabled with a severe bout of Malaria. I was put ashore by Captain Lt. Hard on an island and left in the care of a local native. Being unable to do my job as coxswain of the ship that comprised a small crew of 15 people was a problem for operational services of F.E.L.O.and for this reason I was temporarily placed on the island.
A comical reflection, considering the comatose position I was in with Malarial Fever, relates to being put ashore on this tiny island with an Owen gun and a Luger P 08 (a 9mm German pistol) to protect myself with. Lying on a low bed in a native hut not far from the beach with the guns under the bed, my native carer would arrive with food and water (mainly rice). Each time he was accompanied by his pet (a large spider crab), which was secured to his waist with a piece of string. In my fevered state I recall being more concerned about this than anything else.
Fortunately, Motor Launch Q1359 returned a week later taking me to Morotai, where I was transferred to 2 / 9th Australian General Hospital AGH for treatment.
                            Didn't you used to be Bob Charlesworth?
Tell Da Prez the Model and Year of Manufacture of this Sedan to win a bottle of wine.
Living in the time of COVID-19
Newspaper and political cartoonists have demonstrated their brilliance over the last two months.
These cartoons are among the many that have been produced. Because we are supposed to be apolitical the Bulletin has deliberately not reproduced some outstanding examples of the work of the American President!
A report from our Business Monitor Rotarian Tim:
It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a number of businesses as a result of COVID-19
A local bra manufacturer has gone bust, a submarine company has gone under, a maker of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers and a company supplying paper for Origami enthusiasts has folded.
The local stip club has gone tits up, Interflora is pruning its business and Dynorod has gone down the drain.
The saddest one though is the ice cream van man found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take it anymore and topped himself.
Laughter - The Best Medicine - 5 May

Look at the picture first and then read the story:


This actually happened in France to an Englishman who was totally drunk.

A French policeman stopped the Englishman's car and asked if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admitted that he had been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malt scotches thereafter.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeded to breath test the Englishman and verified that he was indeed completely hammered.

He asked the Englishman if he knew why, under French law, he was going to be arrested.

The Englishman answered with a bit of humor, "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and my wife is driving on the other side?

In the first decade of the Twentieth Century a young cockney lad was born along Cheapside just down from St Mary Le Bow Church.
The family were very poor and at a very young age the boy had to go to work on a variety of part-time and odd jobs rather than go to school. As a result he never learned how to read or write.
While he was not old enough to fight in World War One, his 14th birthday took place just after Armistice Day in November 1918.  
The boy's mother told him that he had a get a regular job that would employ him for the rest of his life. The mother was at the local butcher's shop when a friend told her that a new toilet block was being constructed just near Bank Station and that they were looking for a "Men's Convenience Assistant'.
The mother packed the young lad off to apply for the job.
He was interviewed by an old chap sitting by a kerosene fire who said, "Right ho, you can start. Fill out this form".
The boy said, "I can't read or write!"
"Well", said the old bloke, "you don't qualify for the job."
So the boy started off to go home.
On the way home he passed a greengrocer's shop and he purchased a dozen apples for five pence. Standing outside St Paul's Cathedral he resold individual apples to tourists and visitors for 2 pence each, making a profit of 19 pence.
Years passed and thirty years later he finished up with twenty fruit shops and finally became a millionaire.
One day at his bank, having just made a large deposit, the bank manager asked him to sign some papers.
"Sorry", he said, "I can't read or write!"
The manager said, "You can't read or write. You are such an able businessman. Good heavens, what would you have become if you had been able to read and write?"
"I can tell you", the man said, "I would be working as an assistant at that toilet block near Bank Station!"
An extremely wealthy American family commissioned a well known historian to write the family history.
However, the family had a carefully guarded secret and the author was told that he had to be very careful about the delicate situation of Uncle Jackson.
This was the Uncle Jackson whose life of crime had ended up with his execution in the electric chair in the 1920s.
"Don't come out and say this", the author was told. "Just skirt around his life and unhappy ending."
When the family history was completed the following entry was written about Uncle Jackson.
"Uncle Jackson occupied a chair of applied electronics in one of our leading government institutions. He was held to the post by the closest of ties and his death came as a real shock."
The butcher was new in the town and he was just getting to know his customers.
One in particular was old Mrs Green. Each Wednesday morning she came in and ordered four slices of bacon, a kilo of sausages, four lamb chops and 14 cans of dog food.
This went on for months and eventually curiosity got the better of him and the butcher asked, "Mrs Green, how many dogs do you have?"
A little embarrassed Mrs Green told the butcher that there was no dog. She was buying the dog food for her husband who ate a tin for lunch and another one for dinner every day of the week.
The butcher was horrified. "You shouldn't let him eat that", he cautioned. "It's not fit for human consumption! At the rate that he's putting it away, I wouldn't be surprised if it killed him before much longer."
"Don't you think that I have told him that?" replied Mrs Green "But he loves the taste and it's all that he wants. Anyway, it's none of your concern. Just fill my order please."
And so it continued, until one Wednesday Mrs Green came in with her weekly order and didn't ask for any cans of dog food.
"You've finally talked some sense into your husband and he's given up pet food", the butcher said.
Mrs Green burst into tears and said, "My husband was buried yesterday."
The butcher stared and said, "I told you that the dog food would finish him off one day."
"It wasn't the dog food", sobbed the widow. "Last Friday afternoon he was sitting in the middle of the road scratching himself when he started to chase a car. A bus coming the other way ran over him!" 
The Three Little Pigs with A Picture of Father on the Wall
A road train was heading along the main track to Alice Springs when it struck and killed a feral boar. The  carcass was in pretty good nick so the driver picked it up and sold it to an outback pub out the back of beyond.
"I'll give you $100 for it", the publican said, "we are just about out of meat and there are no deliveries until next week."
A commercial traveller was stopping at the pub. At dinner the publican explained that they had just received a delivery of fresh pig and offered him a choice of roast pork, grilled pork chops or ham on the bone.
The traveller took the roast and afterwards complimented the publican on the pork.
"Glad you liked it", he said. "For breakfast tomorrow you can have pork chops, bacon, brawn or ham. We don't waste anything around here."
"Sounds good", said the traveller. "Before I retire for the evening, may I have a glass of water?"
The publican replied, "Yes, mate but we've only got bore water here."
"Crickey", exclaimed the traveller, You're right. You don't waste anything, do you?" 
President's Quiz - Prize Winning Opportunity
The quiz of Prez Ross.
Congratulations to Rob Cracknell who contacted the President with his solution to this MENSA Quiz and was awarded the bottle of wine! (Crackers actually had several solutions!!! - not all kosher)
A person enters the gold soukh in Dubai. He is offered a stack of ten gold ingots at a bargain price. He is asked to select one stack from ten outwardly identical stacks. Stack 1, Stack 2, and so on.
The individual ingots in each stack of ten are reputed to weigh precisely 100 grams.
He secretly knows that one of these stacks of ten ingots is in fact comprised entirely of fake gold. These artificial gold ingots each weigh 98 grams.
The merchant says, in an attempt to beguile the buyer: ‘Why not weigh it? You choose which gold,  but only weigh your choice once. I have a certified weighing scale. Its capacity is precisely 6 kg
So the man has but one attempt to avoid taking the fake stack. He is otherwise not allowed to handle the product. Accepting the risk, he is successful. 
The question is: How did he, in one attempt, determine which was the fake stack of ingots?
Ross' Solution (way above my pay grade - Ed.)
Take one bar from stack 1, two from stack two, three from stack three and so on ..... ten from stack ten.
Place all of these on the scale at once (or contemporaneously) if you prefer. 
The target weight [mass] is 5,500 grams, if all the bars are sold gold.
Now, the fake gold weighs 98g / bar, not 100g / bar.
So, if you are but 2 grams light, clearly Stack ONE is the culprit, 4 grams light, Stack TWO, 6 grams ... Stack 3 6 grams >>>> 20 grams Stack Ten.
Chris Angerer's solution
Take two groups of the gold bars and weigh them. If they weigh 2,000 grams - choose one of the two groups.
If they weigh 1980 grams (ie one of the groups is the fake gold) discard both groups and select another group of ten bars.
Chris' solution would result in the man buying 10 bars of gold, however he would not be able to identify which group was the one with the fake gold.
Can you work out a 9 letter word from the jumbled letters below?
If you have time, how many other words with four plus letters can you make from these nine letters?
 P  Z  T  E  I  A  E  P  R
Answer next week
Last week's solution -  E E R P P S C I O = PERISCOPE
Five Question Quiz
The answers to last week's Five Question Quiz were:

1.  In traditional Scottish Highland dress, what are trews? A Under garments  B Long socks  C Longer than normal kilts  D Tartan trousers
2. Who wrote "Of Mice and Men"?  A Stephen King  B John Steinbeck  C Mark Twain  D Ernest Hemingway
3. What is the name of the tasting cup used by wine tasters and wine producers?  A Vinchallace  B Vinsup  C Vincup  D Tastevin
4. Which luxury car manufacturer produces the Ghibli?  A Bugatti  B Maserati  C Lamborghini  D Ferrari
5. Which English department store opened on London's Regent Street in 1875?  A Harvey Nichols  B Liberty  C Harrods  D Dickins and Jones
This week's five questions are:

1.  In which country are fried tarantulas a delicacy?  A Indonesia  B Vietnam  C  Cambodia  D Malaysia
2. Double exposure is a variant of which card game?  A Bridge  B Blackjack  C Poker  Gin Rummy
3. Emily Post was famous for writing about which subject?  A Philosophy  B Food  C Wine  D Etiquette
4. Which Richard Wagner composition featured in the movie Apocalypse Now?  A Ride of the Valkyries  B Der Tannenbaum  C Prelude to Lohengrin  D Tannhauser Overture
5. What does the Italian word "Brindisi" mean?  A Applause  B Celebration  C Entertainment  D Toast
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P O Box 95 Mount Eliza 3930
We meet at 6:00 PM Every Tuesday at Toorak College