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Giovanni, an 70 year old Italian golfer went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor was amazed that what good shape he was in and asked, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" Giovanni replied, "I'm Italian and a golfer. That's why I am in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino with lunch and dinner and all is well." "Well", replied the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, however there has to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?" "Who said that he was dead?", Giovanni replied. The doctor was amazed. "You mean that your father is still alive. How old is he?" "He's 95 years old", said Giovanni, "He is also a golfer. In fact he golfed with me this morning and then we went to lunch - with a glass of vino. He's Italian and he is a golfer." "Well", said the doctor, "that's great, but I am sure that there more to this than golf. How about your father's father? How old was he went he died?" Giovanni looked at the doctor and said, "Who said my Nonno's dead?" Stunned, the doctor asked, "You mean that you are 70 years old and your grandfather's still living. That's incredible, how old is he?" "He's 115 years old", said the Italian golfer. "And I suppose that he went golfing with you this morning too?" "No", Giovanni replied, "Nonno couldn't play today because he is getting married later on this afternoon." At this point, the doctor lost it and stammered, "Getting married at 115 years old. Why would he want to get married?" Giovanni looked the doctor in the eye and said: "Who said that he wanted to?"  There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque.
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few pounds. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
By the way, there was £4 missing.
I think it must have been those mongrels at the Post Office !  Dan was a single guy living at home with his widowed father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when he sickly father died, he decided that he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment seminar, he spotted the most attractive woman that he had ever seen. Here natural beauty took his breath away. "You are a most beautiful woman," he said "and I would like to take you to dinner." In order to gain the woman's attention he went on, "I may be just an ordinary guy, however in a couple of years my father will pass away and I shall inherit $400 million." Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and two weeks later she became his stepmother. Morale - women are much better at financial planning than men! Old Jack had lived on a farm out from Longreach all of his life and he had never been to a big city. When he turned 80 he decided to visit Brisbane for the first time. When he came back he went to the local pub and couldn't stop talking about all the things that he had seen - the tall buildings, hundreds of shops and thousands of people. All of these things had opened his eyes and he was amazed at everything that city folk had. "I even brought myself one of those new plastic toilet brushes. It's real fancy with a gold handle and I can't wait to try it." The next month when he came back into town and went to the pub again, his mates asked how the new brush was going. "Well", he said "it does a real good job but it hurts like hell!" Ninety year old Danny had been a regular in his local pub since he was a young man. When the owner announced that the pub would be closed for two months while the place was renovated, Danny was heart broken. "I love the place just as it's always been," he said. After two long months the place reopened and Danny quickly frowned and voiced his disapproval. "I suppose that most of it is all right," he muttered, "but you've made too many changes." He went on, "Even the old spittoon in the corner is gone. I'm gonna miss that," "Yeah", said the publican, you always did!" In the English Lakes District, an old man went to see the filming of Antiques Roadshow at a local hall. He took along an old painting that had been owned by his grandfather and a violin that had been in the family forever. Both were in a bad state of disrepair. He took both of these items up to Fiona Bruce and she carefully examined them. As she did so he used a cloth to carefully clean each item. When she had thoroughly examined both pieces she turned to the old man and said, "I have both good news and bad news." "Give me the good news first", he said. "Well", she replied, "What we have here are a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius!" "That's fantastic", he exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "Well, you see sir, Stradivarius never really made it as a painter...." A vintage car buff had broken down and a fellow in a Porsche offered to tow him. "Look", he said, "I'm in a hurry for an appointment so we will be going fairly fast. If you should see a police car, give a hoot." A little while later, a motorcycle policeman returned to the station and said to the Sergeant, "Well, I've seen everything now. I was chasing this vintage car at 140 km an hour and could catch it. When I put on my siren the crazy driver starting hooting to overtake a Porsche!"
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Your "friendly extremophile!!
