After months of arguing, a couple married for thirty years agreed to seek marriage guidance counseling. When asked what the problem was the wife went into a long. passionate, painful tirade listing every problem that had ever occurred in the 30 years that they had been together. She explained the neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable and went into great detail about her unmet needs throughout the marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a very long time the marriage guidance counselor stood up, walked up to the woman and looked deeply into her eyes. Asking her to stand up, he wrapped his arms around her, warmly embraced her and then passionately kissed her on the lips for several minutes as the husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman was dazed and she slowly sat down. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband through for a while and replied, "Well I can drop her off on Mondays and Thursdays, but I play golf on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays!" An elderly man visited the doctor for a check-up. "Mr Jones, you're in great shape", said the doctor afterwards. "How do you do it?" "Well", said Mr Jones, "I don't smoke, I don't drink and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night he turns the light on for me." Concerned that the husband might be hallucinating the doctor rang Mrs Jones and told her what her husband had said. "I don't think that there's anything to worry about", she said "and on the bright side, that explains why I have been finding water in the fridge!" Two elderly men were sitting in the barbershop waiting for a haircut. One of them said to the other, "Now that you've turned 100, how do you honestly feel?" He replied, "Honestly? Like a newborn baby!" His friend asked, "How's that?" Came the answer, "Well, I've got no teeth, very little hair and I can't stop wetting myself!"
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