The Rotary Club of
Mount Eliza
Chartered 1971
Club Information
Mount Eliza
Service Above Self
We meet Tuesdays at 6:00 PM
Mt Eliza
Mount Eliza, VIC 3930
0419 386 900
DistrictSiteIcon District Site
VenueMap Venue Map
May 19, 2020
Life as an Academic
May 26, 2020
Jun 02, 2020
Origins of Life - Are they at the bottom of the ocean?
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Upcoming Events
Board Meeting
May 14, 2020
Board Meeting
Jun 11, 2020
District Changeover
Jun 27, 2020
5:00 PM – 8:00 PM
RCME Changeover
Jun 30, 2020
View entire list
Meeting Responsibilities
Meeting Responsibilities 19 May
Three Minute Speaker
Webb, Karina
Such, Carolyn
Meeting Responsibilities 26 May
Three Minute Speaker
Heron, Neil
Selth, Maurie
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President's Message
Ross Schweitzer
member photo
The thoughts of President Ross
And now.... from last week
Janne Speirs  has been undertaking the collection of new woolen knitted items; the Gippsland folk now face cold, wet weather, with ash and mud ... and snow. Likewise Chris Angerer .....
So, Janne and I caught up yesterday for 'inside' coffee .... as distinct from 'outside coffee, in Pakenham; whereupon I gave her my clothes. Likewise those of Ross Kilborn and Mike Weber.... laughLinda Morris' goodies, and so on. In a car park! My vehicle was full up to pussy's bow, but Janne the Indefatigable owns a Toyota the size of a Abrahms Tank.
I'm instructed to let you know that the East Gippsland folk worried that they'd been perhaps 'forgotten'. Not so, while Janne's alive. The contributions from Mike Weber were in particular noted; it is said that the noblest deed is one that is done anonymously.
Our 'Postcard' campaign about which you all know has begun; more packs and addresses are on the way. One of the recipients [Bernie wrote to her] is a friend of Janne's it turns out. Disaster is blind. Dare I say, I think that Janne knows everyone from here to the Black Stump.We will also breathe life into our BBQ 'safari' and we must create a window of opportunity Our theme will be 'You wanna Corona wid dat?'
  • Expert Opinion Time, COVID- 19
If you had this period over again, whose advice would you heed? Whose 'truth'? In Mykonos  I came upon a stele, itself greater than two thousand Years old.
In ancient times, tributes were more 'scratched' into the stone than chiselled; unless one had been very wealthy.
By the way. Quite recently the stele marking the grave of the Centurion who captured the king of Dacia, Decebalus [ref: Dacian wars AD 101 - 102 and 105 - 106]. Dacia is in modern - day Romania. The 'story' of the battle and the siege of Sarmizegetusa is to be found on Trajan's Column in Via dei Imperiali, Rome. You knew this. smiley
But I digress. The stele in Mykonos was inscribed 'here is the body of Aegeus follower of Isis'. Yes, and Isis was a really, really powerful goddess of the Egyptians. She married Osiris God of the Underworld and so on ...
So the Greeks said 'Hey, these Egyptians are really good at Gods; they have better names and outfits and Super Powers, they are experts at this ....'
Greek* manuscript has not changed since Aisopos was a mere gleam in Apollonia's eye.
[Yes, I do*]smiley.
So with all this in mind, I invite you ......
Choose from, in no particular order:
  • ScoMo and Greg Hunt and Brendan Murphy.
  • The EXPERT on 60 Minutes from Florida USA.
  • The EXPERT on 60 Minutes from Univ. NSW. (disagreed with the Florida Expert).
  • The State Premiers* and Territory Ministers.
  • The State Medical Officers.
  • The Victorian Teachers' Union.
  • The 5G Anarchists who injured a VicPol Officer last Sunday.
  • The State and Territory Borders*.
  • Anyone who listens to ABC Radio.
  • Donald Trump.
  • Norman the Dachshund.
  • The entrails of a chicken.
  • Isis.
  • Jacinda Ardern.
*Mark McGowan Premier of W. A. deserves special accolades; he worked out that 'The Virus' cannot cross borders, so he imposed internal ones, just for W.A.
There's a bottle of wine for the answer that I judge as correct. Also a second bottle relating to why Golf is only just being allowed again in Victoria. Probably says it all about 'opinion'.
This bottle will be awarded to the person whose reply is adjudged by a panel. Editor Jimsmiley as being the most creative and no doubt, expert.
Da Prez
The one other Brave Soul who ventured forth on ANZAC DAY, continued:
Nearly three weeks later! Still in place.
District Governor Elect Mark Humphries
At the Editor's request, I am repeating my message from last week about the opportunity to attend this year's Rotary International Convention.
Have you ever attended a Rotary International Convention? Have you ever wanted to attend a Rotary International Convention?
You now have an opportunity to attend convention from the comfort of your own home and for FREE yes you saw that correctly FREE! This is going to be amazing. Talk about Rotary Open Opportunities.
Details are only just coming out. It will be online, we are now all use to using online technology so it will be a no brainer. Lets all get involved and lets all attend.
Rotary Conventions are an amazing experience, I have attended two conventions now and each time I come out re-invigorated and astounded at the involvement Rotary has in our communities.
Keep an eye open at the Rotary Convention website for more details.
Mark & Linda
JP Miller Guest Speaker

Our meeting this week was attended by 32 people - Our guest speaker JP (Jean Philippe) Miller, his parents Bruce & Nicole and 29 Rotarian members of our Club.

 JP Miller is an International Nurse with a demonstrated history of working in tertiary hospitals and humanitarian settings.

These have included regions where armed conflict has been occurring and poverty stricken parts of the world where there are very few medical resources.

JP brings a wealth of experience to nursing - in emergency medicine, nurse education, international health and public health.

JP holds a strong interest in emergency preparedness, the functionality of pre-hospital health systems and trauma reception and resuscitation.

During his informative and entertaining talk JP spoke about his training, followed by experience with the Australian Red Cross and then the International Committee of the Red Cross of which he became a member.

Holding a Bachelor of Nursing and Masters degree in Public Health, JP has travelled to and worked in some of the world's most difficult hot spots including Guatemala, South Sudan, Myanmar, Bangladesh and Syria.

JP's spoke of his experiences in war torn countries where people suffer from injuries caused by conflict as well as diseases caused as a result of poverty and malnutrition.

Rotarian Tim Acton noted that JP was a great speaker to have as today is World Nursing Day, the 200th anniversary of the birth of Florence Nightingale.

After answering a series of detailed questions, JP was thanked by President Ross who assured him that we would love him to come and have a meal with our Club when things get back to normal. 


The two screen Zoom meeting on progress on Tuesday, 12 May 2020

Dr Jessie Harman at RCME
At our Zoom meeting on Tuesday 5 May, our Club was fortunate to have Dr Jessie Harman as the guest speaker.
Jessie is a member of the Rotary Club of Wendouree Breakfast in Victoria and she has been chosen as a Director of Rotary International for a two year period, 2021-23.
As an RI Director, Jessie will occupy the position of RI's Director for Zone 8, which now covers oceanic countries including Australia, New Zealand, East Timor, Papua New Guinea and other Pacific Island nations.
Jessie is a past Club Secretary and President and she was District 9780 Governor in 2010-11.
At the Zone level she has served as Rotary Co-ordinator; Project Lead for the Regional Membership Plan for the Zone and she is the Co-orinator of training for District Governors elect in Zone 8.
Jessie encouraged members to "dream large" and think about Rotary in one, five, ten and fifty years time.
In particular she emphasised the need for Clubs to take action to strengthen membership engagement, such that members feel that they are getting real value from Rotary.
She also spoke about the opportunities that Rotary has, especially in these difficult times, to make a difference in our local community.
In this context,, she also encouraged members to be more visible with Rotary's work so as to promote Rotary in our community - at local, national and international levels.
A big thank you to Rotarian Mark Humphries, District 9820 Governor elect, who arranged Jessie's visit to our Club.
Chloe's Pictorial Journey
President Ross has received an email from our Rotary Exchange Student Chloe Holmes who is in Finland. 
The following pictures were included in Chloe's email to Ross
Obviously Chloe is having a great time living and studying in this beautiful country.
New COVID-19 Terminology
Rotarian Alex Anderson reports on the latest lockdown terminology associated with COVID-19:

The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”. 

Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week. 

*Le Creuset wrist*
It’s the new “avocado hand” - an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.

As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.

*Furlough Merlot*
Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.

An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a panicdemic.

*The elephant in the Zoom*
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.

*Quentin Quarantino*
An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.

*Covidiot* or *Wuhan-ker*
One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.

The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s. 
*Antisocial distancing*
Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating. 

*Coughin’ dodger*
Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror. 

Extra make-up applied to "make one's eyes pop" before venturing out in public wearing a face mask. 

The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.
Polite Reminder - Heads & tails and Chocolates
Thank you to those members who have paid the $60 owing on each box of Chocolates received from Carolyn Such in February and to those who have deposited this month's $20 payment to cover Heads & Tails and fines to go towards the Christmas Hampers.
A reminder from Treasurer Rotarian Chris:
- the Chocolates Money to go into the  Rotary Club of Mt Eliza Project Account BSB 633 000 Account Number 152 498 135
- the $20 payment to go into the Rotary Club of Mt Eliza General Account BSB 633 000 Account Number 152 498 093
Thank you to all members
Surviving COVID-19
This week we again look at some of the many stories and cartoons that abound during this time of COVID-19, self isolation and self distancing.
The many billions that have been spent by governments around the world trying protect the health of their citizens and maintain their economies at a time of COVID-19 means that spending on Defence and Defence support will be reduced significantly as a result of the virus. So maybe even the worst of things have a silver lining.
In the small town of Smyra Georgia in the USA, Charity Salyers, the owner of Vittles Restaurant sold her treasured 2016 Ford Mustang GT for US$11000 in order to be able to continue paying her eight employees until the business can reopen (hopefully) in two months time. 
An elderly artist was holding an exhibition at a well known gallery. Unfortunately because of COVID-19 hardly anyone had come to see the works of art.
One afternoon he wandered into the gallery and the owner looked at him and said, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that someone came in and asked about the value of your paintings if you died. On hearing that they would appreciate in value, he bought the lot."
"What's the bad news?" the artist inquired.
"The gallery owner responded, "The buyer was your doctor!"
Laughter the Best Medicine - 12 May
It was the kindergarten teacher's first day and she was keen to make a good impression on her class of infants in the Northern NSW hippy community to which she had been appointed.
The teacher asked a little girl her name. The reply came, "Apple Blossom, Miss".
"What a lovely name", said the teacher, "where did you parents get such a lovely name from?"
The girl replied, "When Mum & Dad brought me home from hospital they were under an apple tree and some blossom fell on my head and that became my name."
The teacher then asked a second child her name.
Not to be outdone, the child said, "My name is Cherry Blossom", explaining it in a similar fashion and finishing with, "When the cherry tree blossom fell on my head my parents decided to name me Cherry Blossom."
"How lovely", said the teacher as she turned to a poor, miserable looking boy with a twisted nose, lop ears and snuggle teeth, "And what is your name?"
The boy looked her straight in the eye and said "Wardrobe."
Thanks to Rotarian Alex Anderson for the following eloquent insults. These glorious insults are from an era before the English language was boiled down to 4-letter words.
- An exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.” He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
- A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
- “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr
- “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
- “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow
- “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
- “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas
- “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain
- “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde
- “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend … if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill. “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.
- “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop
- “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright
- “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb
= “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson
- “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating
- “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand
- “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
- “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
- “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
- “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde
- “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
- “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder
- “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx
A particularly stingy Englishman was forced by his long suffering wife to go on a skiing holiday in the French Alps.
The miser was aghast at the cost of everything and spent the whole time complaining about how expensive things were and he stayed locked in the chalet.
On their final day his wife convinced him to try skiing. Surprisingly he took to it like a duck to water and he headed off downhill at a very fast clip.
Unfortunately, after travelling on for half an hour or more he became completely lost.
When he hadn't returned later that afternoon his wife reported him missing and searchers set off to find him.
A Red Cross team thought that they could see something in the distance and they called out, " MR JONES! MR JONES! IT'S THE RED CROSS." 
There was no reply. As the approached they could see that there was definitely a man across the other side of the valley and they call out even louder, "MR JONES! IT'S THE RED CROSS"
And from across the valley they heard a reply,
"I already gave at the office last week!"
An Englishman and an Irish chap were discussing their respective languages.
The Englishman was particularly interested in the Celtic language simply called Irish.
"Tell me", he said to the Irishman, "does the Irish language have an equivalent to the Spanish word mañana?"
The Irishman though for a moment and then replied, "Yes, however it hasn't quite got the same sense of urgency about it."
Can you work out a 9 letter word from the jumbled letters below?
If you have time, how many other words with four plus letters can you make from these nine letters?
F  L  I  U  N  A  G  L  Y
Answer next week
Last week's solution -   
P  Z  T  E  I  A  E  P  R = APPETIZER
Five Question Quiz
The answers to last week's Five Question Quiz were:
1.  In which country are fried tarantulas a delicacy?  A Indonesia  B Vietnam  C  Cambodia  D Malaysia
2. Double exposure is a variant of which card game?  A Bridge  B Blackjack  C Poker  Gin Rummy
3. Emily Post was famous for writing about which subject?  A Philosophy  B Food  C Wine  D Etiquette
4. Which Richard Wagner composition featured in the movie Apocalypse Now?  A Ride of the Valkyries  B Der Tannenbaum  C Prelude to Lohengrin  D Tannhauser Overture
5. What does the Italian word "Brindisi" mean?  A Applause  B Celebration  C Entertainment  D Toast
This week's five questions are:
1. What is the Icelandic delicacy Hakari?  A Whale intestines  B  Cod livers  C Fish eyes  D Fermented shark
2. The movie The Shawshank Redemption was adapted from a novella by which author?  A Stephen King  B John Steinbeck  C Norman Mailer  D Philip Roth
3. The French wine Chablis is made from which grape?  A Chardonnay  B Sauvignon Blanc  C Chenin Blanc  D Pinot Gris
4. Who is the Butler to Lord Grantham in Downton Abbey?  A William Mason  B Charles Carson  C Thomas Barrow  D James Kent
5.What was the surname of the Benedictine Monk who established many of the principles and processes of champagne production?  A Chandon  B Bollinger  C Perignon  D Moet
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P O Box 95 Mount Eliza 3930
We meet at 6:00 PM Every Tuesday at Toorak College