Ross Schweitzer presents:
This week is my son’s birthday, he will be 42, how time flies. More changes have occurred than I can remember and never think about until one pops its head up. Like email in its form, let alone dial – up, which at its inception I needed to have explained. Where did the messages go until you looked at them? Why were they on a low – cost plan when a telephone call to a similar destination cost a heap?  And have you seen my brains? You get my point.I saw a cartoon the other day where the Help Line is manned by a nine Year – old. From my own experience with my grandchildren, this is not far off the mark.
 
 
A good friend of mine types all his emails in mauve bold; has done so for Years. I said to him that I was told that bold type meant ‘you’ were raising your voice and UPPER CASE meant one was shouting. Our ever – observant Secretary Pauline told me the latter one. My friend, even older than me, was astonished. He said that his reason was to aid his vision. That said, he used a font 10, nothing larger. I understand that a blue font on white, or white on blue, assists some with vision issues. Therefore, I use Biggles blue. I am reliably informed by one of our Members that [quelle horreur]purple has been ‘adopted’ by the LGBTIQ* community as ‘theirs’. I had better not tell my friend; he’s over 80 and may expire.
 
But I digress:
By happenstance, each of my three brothers and my son live alone. We do not live in each other’s pockets, never have. A family trait. If were going to die, we will call first*. So, I sent each brother an identical email [sic] ’it  is Andrew’s birthday on Wednesday’. What could be more benign? My intent was casual; to remind them to call him or send a card, not a gift. I did not expect any response [neither did I call and say ‘did you get the email I sent’ 😊]. * We have recently started a brief Saturday evening ZOOM chat. Try organising that and explaining  ZOOM. Our neighbour’s cat SOX has a better grasp of the procedure. Ever tried herding cats?
What was the outcome? I hear you ask. Brother in Canberra sent: ‘His present is on the way via Post but tracking shows it is stuck, the ‘C’ excuse'. Younger Brother: No answer. Eldest Brother: A text and a telephone call to me regarding my meaning.
The joke about punctuating and pronouncing What is this thing called love’ originated prior to email. It must have. You do know it:
What is this thing called love. / What! Is this ......  / What is this thing called, Love? / What is this thing called, Love? ..... and so on. No wonder wars break out via 'Diplomatic Notes'. [Arthur] Neville Chamberlain ... I have here a piece of paper signed by Mr Hitler ......
 
We all know a comma caused the deaths of 110 men of the Light Brigade at Balaclava, but which inference was misunderstood? You know how the British use bronze from the breech blocks of canon captured from the Russians in Sevastopol during the Crimean War? Said canon were British; the Russians captured them during the Charge of The Light Brigade, and said weapons were paraded by the Russians prior to their defeat.
 
By the way. The Officer who issued the order to attack [the wrong target, which was not questioned] whilst being in the 15th Light Dragoons, had transferred due to nepotism, from the 10th AUSTRIAN Hussars. Luckily for him, he was killed in the first assault following his own misinterpreted orders. English as a second language. 😊 Maybe he could have sent an email or SMS. There again....not.
 
Be in good health
 
My regards,
 
 Ross
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