Ross Schweitzer presents:
One of the methods used by comedians to get a laugh [given you are paying him or her for the entertainment] is to make fun of others’ misfortunes. ‘Vicarious’ experience. Some of the best examples often start off simply; the efforts of an individual to undertake a simple task. 'What could possibly go wrong?'.
The Good and Current wife attests to anyone who will listen that I am not a ‘handyman’. She also tells people that I am the Mt Eliza branch of Bunnings. I at least look like I can be of use. The tradies who show up are in awe of my collection.
But I digress. One would think attaching a new TV to an existing wall bracket would be a snap, because the mounting plates all are VESA Standard. Well, yes and no. Mine was, except that it could not be rotated 90° so the holes would not align. Did you ever see the Monty Python ‘Life Insurance’ sketch where a man is shot by an arrow through a window in a high – rise in the City of London? John Cleese [the underwriter] says …. ‘Aha! Except if you are killed by an arrow…. etc’.
The wall mount was vertically fixed to a stud through the plaster. I ordered a new mount. Of course, it attached to the wall horizontally and [do not believe what RAMSET tell you] their fasteners pull out of plaster board. By this stage, the number of holes in the wall mirrored the finest Emmentaler cheese.  Feeling eyes boring into the back of my head, I filled in the holes in, then sanded and painted the wall. I did actually use one of my RYOBI sanders, ex Bunnings.
‘Our’ tradie Brett is marooned in Bittern, so plan B failed. Creatively, I ordered yet another bracket [yet to arrive, because of the throw – away line: Corona Virus Delays]. The new one is vertical – mount. Its arrival may cause a new adventure.
 
So, I hear you say, ‘Why did you not check the wall bracket direction with the first order?’ I ponder this; The Good Wife asks much the same. I was distracted by ensuring the holes in the TV plate were spaced correctly. The perfect decoy. I now have a comprehensive stock of RAMSET fasteners for future use. A leather lounge chair doubles as a TV stand [It is otherwise known as the David Rew / John Gilbert wine chair.
 
Collateral damage: As one does, The Good and Current Wife then ordered a ‘shot locker wine rack’? It sits juxtaposed to the Rew / Gilbert armchair, meaning we had to dispose of some fire tongs and a perfectly good compact stereo. But wait, there’s more! Another leather armchair will ‘appear’ in a couple of months in case said Gentlemen arrive simultaneously.
 
In addition, I got to meet Jehd [my favourite grandchild Ella’s beau]. A Sparky, Jehd is moonlighting at Church a.k.a. Bunnings – Jehd is seen here explaining to PE Neil Heron and hostage ‘Look, Sir, you were an august teacher. I respectfully submit that you measure dimensions accurately next time, before ordering timber’.
 
The brackets cost $30………No Good Deed goes unpunished, as Good Friend Daniel says.
 
Be in good health.
 
 
Ross
 
 
 
The Rew / Gilbert Chair showing wine rack within easy grasp.
 
 
Jehd dealing with a puzzled PE and escaping child.
 
 
The Ella. I had a bike to get to school in :-)
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